This stuff is seriously random.
Resent studies have proven that when the sun goes in a certain area of the sky, the north-south side of the world, it transforms into a automatic-atomic-auto-awfully-awkward ice cube disintegrator. Why this is has been a mystery. Until recently. Which of course is retarded, because in the beginning of this passage, it started as "Resent studies have Proven that...". So it's a double meaning. So more resenter-er-er studies conclude the answer to this mystery. SO as I was saying, the conclusion to this is that certain mutated creatures have a hockey dancing ceremony, calling all woodland creatures from outer space to decimate the sun and change it to the autom--ice cube thingie. when day is coming, everything is the same but reversed order. That is the conclusion drawn from these studies. However, we still have not proven them. And rock on Doughnut shops. yehawww. whoooohooo. I was paid to say that. This is Bill blabbermouth with XWZ news.
The pink hair rage
Recently, Pink hair is the ideal outfit for how to bring about your hair. The reason for this, is when the flamingos flew to Antarctica , there pinkish ness spread out, hitting glaciers, mountaintops, and Penguins. Everything was pink. But when winter came, everything would not be pink anymore. So they think of pink as being a very rebellious color, being little rebels themselves, our society wears pink for its rebelliousness.
Yeah, one day I was taking a walk to the park when I saw a flying hippopotamus being enslaved by turkeys, and huge watermelons waiting in line for the bathroom. (public bathrooms are always this way). I took my shotgun out and completely obliterated every living thing in sight...including the watermelons, and the mutated banana peels (good thing I obliterated them). I also saw a painting of a jaguar doing a handstand, of course, I was offended. I obliterated it too. By the time I was done obliterating everything I didn't like, there was nothing left at all.
The moral of the story is, never go to the park.
Local Hippie's life saved by Wishdamume
By Ima T. Cetel of the New Dork Times
"Well, I was sliding down an electrical wire with one of my socks..." says local Hippie Aladdin Biscotti. "...when all of a sudden, the queerest thing happened. I got electrocuted! And I thought to myself, But...I'm not touching the ground, so how could I be feeling 3,000 volts flowing threw me right now? He looks down at the gigantic noodle he had just been spitting out of his mouth. He relied that while he was spitting it out, it had touched the ground before he had let go of it. He was falling...300,000 miles an hour, and he closed his eyes and thought, The last thing I want to do in life is WISH DA MUME!!! So, he reached out of nowhere and wished the mume. But...it wasn't only wishieness he felt in his grasp, he also felt a human tricep, too! Grabbing onto the human's wishieness, he pulled himself up. "Thank you homie dog you sweet gnarly dog yo for saving me!" Then, the pale, quivering, frightened boy that had saved him, screamed like a little girl and ran home. "I owe my life to wishdamume!" Says Aladdin. " WISH DAT LITTLE MUMY OR DIE!!!"
And, may Aladdin be a good example for us all...!
Me Wike chips
This is the all famous bit of literature that has made us famous. Hope you enjoy it!
Me wike chips. I’m a swob. I’m 305 Pounds. My name is Joe. I’m 35 yeaws owd (years old). Me hate gween veggies. Gween is my worst color (grammar is my worst subject in school). Me wike gweese. My favorite word is “Yone”. I’m in 2nd gwade. Me wike caws (cars). Smoke is stinky. Me constipated. Me have Dipaws (Dipers). Me gwoss. Me wike food fights. Me wike hot dogs with nachos and gweese. My idow (idol) is Bawney (Barney the dinosaur). Me droowaw (drool) on my stuff. Me wike Egg McMuffins. Me want pudding. My favorite song is “Hawt and Sow” (Heart and Soul). Me wike Big Bill. Me wike gweesey Hamburgers wiff (with) cheese. Me wike McSwobs (a nickname for McDonalds). Me wike da big toy. Me use my gweesey fingaws (fingers) to wish da mume. Me get F minuses on my gwammar (grammar) tests. Me wike dupwows (Duplos). Me use my gweesey fingaws to pway wiff dem (to play with them). Now me have gweesey dupwows. My favorite color is Bwown (Brown). Me good at peeing in my Dipaw. Me watch Tewie Tubies (Tellie Tubies). Me take naps. Me want my goo goo. Me have a Bwankie (Blankie). Me have a cwib (crib). Me wike Sid da Kid. Me act wike a two year owd. Me tawk (talk) wike a two year owd. Augustus Gwoop is my younger bruhder. I’m wike sooooo hot. Me have gas and washes (rashes). Me a wooser (looser). “Me Joe, you cute” dat’s what I said to a girwaw (girl). She screamed. Me on a diet. Me don’t obey diet. Me frow (throw) diet food down da disposer. Me eat garbage food. Me talk garbage talk. Me wike diddle mousies (little mice). Me wike Stewart diddle (little). Me have AD HD. Me too hyper. Me hate weading (reading). Me have quiet time. Me don’t be quiet. Me suck my fumb (thumb). Me get swirwies (swirlies).Me eat wunch (lunch). Me got some teddy bears. One is soaked in mud. Da other one smells wike pee. My mommy says dat’s yucky. Me toot wike a tangerine. Me have cat. Moor (more) wike had a cat. I twied to teach da poor kitty to swim. Now me find out dat kitties can’t swim. My cousins names are: Bob da swob age 23, Jim da grim age 41, Mace da fat face age 26, and Eugene the…uh…psycho at age 2. My daddy’s name is Big da cat. Mommy’s name is B.A.D. Me thinks it stands for something. Me know my ABC’s. Me can stink da house down. Me don’t wike dog poo. Me a goof ball. Me have a brain da size of a single micro cell. Me go “BURP!!!” after me dwink pop. Me chew my fingaws. Cousins exist so people can kick their big bums. Me gotta go to da bafroom. Me usually do it on da front porch. Me wike giving wedgies to my sister. Me wike wipping Barbie’s head’s off. My sister doesn’t though. One time, me mistaked coffee for maple syrup. Me learned dat coffee don’t taste good wif wfaws (waffles). Sour wemons don’t taste vewy good. Me gave one to my cousin. He barfed. Me need de-odorant REALLY bad. Me sweat wike a piggy wigi. Me twack dirt in my toe nails. Me eat dem wif hot soup. It’s real nummy! I’ll teach you how to do it. 1. Get a BIG bowl. 2. Get one of your favorite soups (make sure it’s wam (warm)). 3. Put soup in bowl.4. Now just soak your feet in and dehr you have it! Me wike tops. Dey go SPIIIIIIIIIIIIN! Me attached kitchen knives. Now poor Augustus Gwoop have no more fingaws (fingers). Me wike to pretend me Indian. Me go “Gawawawa!” Now everyone finks I’m possessed. Me talk to spiwits. I even made one run away; “Have a cown dog” I said. You could tell dat one huwt. When he wan away, me found it was just a siwy dittle boy in a bed sheet. Me have pony. Me gave it Howse Wadish to twy to make it a howse. It didn’t wowk. Now it has boils on it’s wips. Weasently, Me saw da pway Da Wittle Prwincess. In da pway, poor Sawa was crying. Me weap from my seat, and say, “I wiw save you, you pwetty giwaw!” She puked. Den dey kicked me out of da pway; literally. Now my booty is wed. My giwfwend(girlfriend) is Big Bertha. My tummy two big for dancing. Maybe me should twy bewwy dancing. Me twied to do sumo wrestling. It wowked except dat I fwatended every person I went against. Me took handwitting cwass. Teacher wanted me to wite wike dis: Sloppy Joe. Me wrote wike dis: Sloppy Joe. My teacher wasn’t happy. He make me wite 25 sentences about how to wite nicewy (nicely). Me went to chat woom. A guy told me to *BEEP* and then to *BEEP* and run to my *BEEP* and go away. Now me know more wowds. Maybe me should tell my gwammar teachaw (teacher). It could hewp me awot. Me want to jump wike a woonatic. Me say “Yowzaws” when me see a hot giwaw. I went to the store. I was going to buy some cheese, but dis big fat lady was sitting on it with a knife in her hands. I twied to tell her politly to get off, but it came out wike “carefuw where you point that knife, you could cut the cheese and that would be a disaster.” Her face tuwned wed. She twied to stab me, but ended up stabing the milk container in the fridge department. The store flooded milk.
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